ADHD, motherhood, and making someday, today

What’s on your list?

Took this photo at the art museum, where I plan to spend more time. Photo credit: Annette Ferraro Photography

Several years ago, as a mom of two and a late-diagnosed neurodivergent, I had become incredibly adept at postponing joy. “Now” was for getting stuff done… all the stuff. Productivity was priority. “Later” was for enjoying the fruits of my labor. Except “later” never came. There was always more stuff.

………………………..

I attended a conference this April in Chicago (where I was a panelist for the first time ever!). Keynote speaker Joe Huff kicked off day one by strutting on stage with his chiseled face and tailored blazer, and I immediately thought, “What is this bro going to teach me?”

But, Joe had quite a story to tell.

Joe was a mere teenager when he came downstairs to find his dad — a man in his forties — sweating, cold, and slumped over his morning cereal. It turns out his dad had suffered a near-fatal cardiac arrest, and not only that, he needed a heart transplant to survive. Rushed to the top of the transplant list, his dad eventually got the organ he needed to keep on living. Or to start.

You see, Joe’s dad was a hardworking man who, too, was adept at postponing joy. Joe said that if his dad hadn’t made it through that surgery, his eulogy would have been a lot of “he always wanted tos” and “he had one day hoped tos”.

Joe’s dad took his second chance at life and began examining his “someday” list, the list we all have looming, rotting somewhere in the back of our minds for when things settle down, when we have time to seek joy.

He sold his house, moved to Mexico, started his own charity, and finally learned to surf. He lived another 10 years — what Joe called his “bonus years” — traveling the world, living out his dreams. His eulogy was one of “no regrets”.

Joe Huff and his chiseled face deliver his “Make Someday Today” keynote. Photo source: Joehuff.com

Joe, however, didn’t necessarily avoid his dad’s mistakes. He continued striving, getting stuck in patterns of overwork and burnout, and kept his “someday list” on a shelf for a later date.

Until Joe’s wife got breast cancer.

Why does it always take brushes with death to realize how precious our time is?

Joe and his wife, who is cancer-free (hooray!), are now living their someday, today. They travel the world with their children. He wrote a book. He, like his dad, learned to surf, among other daring outdoor feats. He started a business, LSTN, with a friend through which they sell headphones that provide hearing aids to people all over the globe. They’ve helped more than 50,000 people hear for the first time.

Yes - I underestimated what I could learn from this “bro”.

So, I made my list. I’m taking steps every day to work toward these dreams… now. The list of things I would want to have accomplished by the end of things.

I’m making someday, today. And I’m hoping that by sharing this publicly, you all can hold me accountable.

My List

• Write and publish a book

• Speak on stage at a conference about ADHD

• Run a marathon

• Travel internationally with my family

• Plan a girls’ trip for me and my friends

• See more musicals and infuse more art into my life

Check out this killer lineup of musicals in my city this season! Ahhhhh!!!!

• Get a Tiny Love Story published in The New York Times

• Publish an essay or poem in a reputable or mainstream publication

• Perform in an onstage theater production

• Learn something completely new, like an instrument or language

• Do more adventure/hiking/outdoor trips with my family

Adventure trip driving the California coast earlier this year

• Prioritize my relationships, visiting family and friends out of state

• Let my son teach me to solve a Rubik’s cube (if you know me, you understand how lofty this one is)

• Establish more regular, planned charitable giving

• Start a Free Little Snacks Library at my local library for the unhoused or underfed

To steal words from one of my favorite authors, Mary Adkins, in her memoir You Might Feel a Little Pressure, “Productivity as a lifestyle [has] lost its appeal.”

I’m going to keep adding to this list. I won’t let it rot in the back of my mind. These are priorities now… more than any other STUFF.

What’s on your list? Please share below, and let’s encourage one another to take action today to make someday actually happen.