Our daughters are the future. It’s up to us to protect them. Photo: Lauren Mitchell
I recently found myself on a plane wedged in between two strangers.
On my left was a man in a hoodie and jeans in the aisle seat. He appeared to be hungover and used the restroom once an hour during our four-hour flight. I intended to “take up space like a man,” but eventually his knee touching mine made me uncomfortable enough to shrink within the invisible boundaries of my middle seat. His legs, spread wide, remained unmoved. Did he not feel me?
The other, on my right, was a woman with dyed black hair, leaning against the window. She was chic, exotic, aloof - perhaps French. She remained quiet and covered under her coat as she floated in and out of sleep during the flight. Her demeanor was reserved, cold, the type of woman I imagine is bothered by “sunny” types like me. I tried my best not to bother her. I even gave up trying to lean over to see the beauty of the mountains from above. I nervously fumbled when passing her paper cups of coffee and granola bars from the aisle.
Attempting to zone out from my neighbors, I clicked on an in-flight movie that piqued my interest. Suffragette.
I watched the film without expectations but couldn’t help but layer on my modern-day spectacles. Viewing it in the context of our current sociopolitical, global landscape, I was blown away by the bravery, incredible sacrifice, and commitment of the women fighting during the early 1900s in the UK for what they knew was right - equality.
Tired of politely asking for the vote in organized protests, they resorted to action and defiance, even if it meant being jailed, losing their jobs, families, and even their lives. Many broke windows, did damage to government property, and even participated in hunger strikes. Emily Wilding Davison gave her life for the cause.
Emily Wilding Davison fought to gain equal voting rights for British women before dying at the Epsom Derby in 1913. Photo: Hulton Archive/Getty Images
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Crying on an airplane… crying for so many injustices
As the credits rolled, I sobbed into my hands between the two strangers. Long after the movie was over, I continued bawling, burying my tear-soaked face in the collar of my jacket. I couldn’t stop.
I cried because women like Emily Davison didn’t know me, but they fought for me and my place in the world.
I cried at the list of years the movie shared that women gained the vote in every country. France wasn’t until 1944!!! Now I understand why those women are such badasses when it comes to their commitment to feminism.
Tens of thousands of French women flooded the Paris streets in a bold International Women's Day protest against fascism in March 2025
I cried because I saw myself in the film’s fictional main character, Maud Watts, trying to find the balance surviving in a world that doesn’t like feminists but one that so desperately needs them.
I cried because I recognized the lewd comments and misogyny from the film that still linger in our zeitgeist. Even as we’ve gained rights, our cultural place in society remains very much in flux.
I cried because of how easy it was in the film (and in history) for a man to shut down a fervent suffragette just by impregnating her.
I cried that Maud went back to save a daughter who wasn’t hers from the same abuse she’d endured as a child working as a laundress. And because of how much those early feminists relied on the community and support of one another.
I cried because of allies, like Edith’s husband, who drove them around to do their vandalizing. And because, for every “Edith’s husband” that exists today, there are a hundred who don’t think feminism makes sense anymore.
I cried because the guy next to me on the airplane didn’t even notice I was crying. Because maybe he did notice and didn’t want to come off as a creep leaning in to ask if I was okay (see, the bad guys are bad for all of us).
I cried because I don’t know if I would have been able to do what those brave women did.
I cried because of the ugliness in the world that we still have to fight daily. Because there are women out there still waiting, still fighting. Women are still risking everything to change the place they hold in society. This work is still happening TODAY all over the world. I cried for Manahel al-Otaibi.
Manahel al-Otaibi, a 30-year-old woman serving an 11-year prison sentence in Saudi Arabia for promoting women’s rights, has now been forcibly disappeared since December 2024. A modern-day Emily Davison?
I cried because, though the movie made me sad, and reminded me of how far we still need go, it also gave me hope. These women fought because they knew they’d win. While it isn’t always linear, you really can’t stop progress… you can slow it down, but the future always comes, and with it, so does change.
Progress isn’t always linear… and for many women in the world, it isn’t guaranteed. This graphic haunts me. Source: Instagram @hearherstories
My hope is that, despite setbacks, we continue to change for the better.
As I wept, the woman in the window seat, the one who’d ignored me the entire two hours prior, leaned toward me and put a soft hand on mine. Her eyes were suddenly kind. “Are you alright?” she whispered gently. I popped my head up and smiled through my tears, because I was both amused by the scene I was making and surprised and comforted by her touch.
Women do have magic in them. When we see another woman suffering, we come running to answer the call.
And perhaps making a scene is what we should be doing.
What feminism is and is not
Feminism = believing that women deserve equal rights.
It’s not the belief that men are awful. It’s not the belief that we need to take something from men and give it to women. It’s simply the audacious belief that women’s rights are human rights. And it’s not just about laws, it’s about equal treatment and responsibility.
Yes, it’s a reality that we have to teach our daughters how to avoid situations that put them at risk. A la “Don’t walk alone late at night.” But we also have to talk about what we’re teaching our sons. A la “Respect women”.
Playing devil’s advocate does nothing to acknowledge or address the issues women still face because of men.
They argue it’s “not all men”, but still… it’s usually men.
This world in which we are raising our daughters exists because of men. Men raping or committing acts of violence toward women. Along with the men who are unwilling to march at a protest to denounce it. Along with the men who drop a “not all men” in the comments of a social post and carry on with their day.
The men who deny the reasons feminism is still needed. The ones who refuse to change the language they use from “how many women are raped” to “how many times men become rapists”. This subtle but powerful shift in words puts the ownness where it belongs. The accountability should no longer be piled on our daughters.
Imagine if men were as disgusted by rape as they are with periods. Photo: Raquel García
But it’s about so much more than overt violence.
It’s in men saying “the gender pay gap isn’t really as bad as everyone says”. Well, then it shouldn’t be that hard to remedy. Or worse, when they argue that men work more than women, so they should get paid more. Men work more at work because women are expected to work more at home. Women are expected to work more at home because they typically make less money, so their jobs outside the home are deprioritized. It’s a vicious cycle that only ends when women are paid the same as men in the same role.
And don’t even get me started on the unpaid, invisible, and emotional labor. Ugh. (Shoutout to all my fellow exhausted Easter bunnies out there recovering from this weekend’s flurry of invisible labor.)
Joeli Brearley sums up why feminism still makes sense in this LinkedIn post
Feminism still makes sense and is needed more than ever. My daughter is growing up with fewer rights than my mother had in a country where a rapist now sits in the highest seat of power. If you’re looking for just a few reasons.
Feminism isn’t some dirty word. Feminism isn’t the far-left equivalent of the far-right manosphere. We are not the same. One is fighting for equal rights and equal treatment; the other is fighting to prevent us from ever getting there.
Feminism will continue to make sense…
Until the dad at the field trip doesn’t designate me as the “responsible one” for the kids without parental chaperones just because I was born with ovaries.
Until the husband on the playground doesn’t respond, “oh, my wife handles all the calendar planning” to my request for a playdate for our kids.
Until postpartum moms aren’t making meals and washing dishes for their husbands and guests because their husbands “work”.
Until reasonable boundary setting isn’t met with shock and horror, like our unwillingness to put our own needs aside for another’s is an affront to humanity itself.
Feminism will continue to make sense… until.
Until.
I shouldn’t have to convince the good men to take up this cause.
We need our male allies - who believe women deserve equal rights and equal treatment within our culture - to be there with us as male feminists. Our movement would be stronger, no doubt, with their active support.
Allyship looks like openly condemning a sexist joke even if it’s funny. It looks like showing up with a sign at the women’s reproductive rights rally. It looks like bravely resharing feminist content on social media. It looks like not saying “not all men” and, instead, listening to understand.
This is what you’ll hear them say… but pay more attention to what they don’t say. And when they don’t say it.
But, so far, too many aren’t interested. The good guys aren’t coming to save us.
Shoutout to the men, like Blake Roberts, another Substack favorite, already doing the healing work needed to show up emotionally intelligent for their children and partners.
Perhaps, it isn’t that the good guys aren’t coming to save us, but that there just aren’t enough of them, yet. Or they mistakenly think they’ve got to save themselves first.
I suppose the women of the UK did it mostly on their own, too. It may take longer. It may be a harder road. But if I can inspire just one woman to own her worth, ask her husband for the support she deserves in sharing household labor, set a boundary with her family, or ask for the raise she is owed… then it’s working just fine without their buy-in.
In the meantime, I plan to teach my son to respect girls and women. To be accountable for his behavior. To notice and offer kindness to the woman crying next to him on the airplane.
Lions and tigers and men… oh my!
It’s so often up to women to do the work to drive change in our lives and the world. It shouldn’t be up to us alone, but if it is?
We still got this.
As the brave feminists said in Suffragette… “we will win.”
Attention, Everyone! is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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