BONUS POST: ADHD, motherhood, and the songs that shattered my soul

Words and music for the neurodivergent new mom

"Where words fail, music speaks." — Hans Christian Andersen

My beautiful baby girl. I loved holding her and sniffing her little bald head.

I was two-and-a-half months postpartum with my daughter with an almost two-year-old son at home when I went out - childless - to celebrate my friend’s birthday. It was my first time doing anything social since before she was born, and the first time I could remember laughing since about the same time.

Amidst the laughter, my friend said to me, “I’ve missed you, Liz!” and I remember saying out loud, “I’ve missed me, too.”

I’ve previously shared my published flash memoir piece featured in Wordgathering. It highlights the struggles and grief that came with a lifetime of undiagnosed ADHD, and how it impacted my early motherhood.

I won’t sugarcoat it. My postpartum period, especially after my second child, was difficult for me. If it was all newborn snuggles and bald head-sniffing, I would have been fine. I loved my babies with all my being, but I tended to them to the point of burnout. I was operating on little-to-no sleep, dealing with an unmanaged disability, and surviving without access to paid maternity leave, affordable childcare, sufficient postpartum care, or a village of any kind.

And as much as words have always been my thing, I had such a hard time explaining what was going on, sharing how I felt, or asking for the help I needed.

I just knew I missed me.

It’s incredible how a person can feel so lost and alone — until they hear a piece of music that perfectly speaks to their experience, expressing what they cannot.

It’s amazing that a work of art created by someone else can both break you apart and rebuild you one note at a time.

When I closed out 2024, I promised to share more of the music and art that have meant something to my healing.

Here are two of the songs that say so much of what I couldn’t years ago when I was an undiagnosed neurodivergent and overwhelmed new mom with little support.

Due to the very personal nature of my commentary, for now, I’ve made this post available to paid subscribers only.